One Year Post-Grad.

see how I posted this? very demure, very considerate, very sappy.

I won’t lie, I both dreaded, procrastinated, and wanted to write this post, some part of me is scared to look through what I’ve done in the past year out of fear that it wouldn't be enough or worse, I wasn't enough. It's irrational I know but without reaching my goal, everything seems to weigh me down one way or another.

As you may or may not know, around this time last year I graduated with a B.S in Biomedical Sciences and a minor in Legal Studies from college. At the time, I dreaded leaving college knowing that I was to enter into the “real world”.

Some part of me knew I wasn't ready but then again, who really is? Another label I had to come to realization and to terms with is the “Post-Grad Blues”. So, turns out that’s real.

Over the past year, I've had the privilege of shadowing a diverse range of doctors, from internal medicine to emergency medicine—two specialties that have resonated with me deeply. These experiences have not only broadened my understanding of patient care but have also affirmed my passion for medicine. Additionally, I've continued my commitment to serving my community by volunteering at a little to no insurance clinic, which has profoundly shaped my perspective on healthcare accessibility. I’ve never felt so impatient to get into medical school. I’ve also started working as an Emergency Department Scribe at my local hospital, my first post-college job.

I won’t lie, I’ve seen it first hand, the job market is tough. My degree being one of the harder degrees offered in my college provided no job security what so ever. If anything, I feel that it’s a type of investment degree where you hope and pray you get into the next stage of academia to further yourself down the pathway.

Sometimes, I wonder of being an author on a writer’s retreat in Italy just as I’ve seen other girls my age do online, I wonder how some can travel the world and meet the same goals that I’ve been trying for, here, in the same spot. Feeling frozen in time while finding jealousy rising within me when I watch Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City), Jenna Rink (13 going 30) and Andie (How to lose a guy in 10 days) owning their own columns in big newspapers and magazines as well as living in their wonderful city apartments (yet they remain my favorites to watch on screen). The thing is, I know that isn’t my purpose and my true dream, yet why do I just want an out of everything sometimes?

Comparison is truly the thief of joy, I try to immerse myself as much as possible in the healthcare field to continue keeping my thinking in line with what I want but gosh the videos of others on YouTube and more living their full potential at my age haunts me a little. Should I really give up my entire life and joy to pursue my career? Is this what career driven means? If not or if so, what truly is the alternative? It doesn’t feel like there’s an alternative to enjoy and still succeed at times. I’m sure I’ll be proven wrong but for the time being, I need to stay afloat my post-grad blues.

I find myself dressing brighter, buying colorfully, and being loud as if it’s my last chance to show that I’m still here and still trying. I got tired of pretending (turns out I’m not demure or mysterious). I’m an open book—just a girl who will grab anything that makes me smile. I print pictures of my favorite moments and tape them to my walls, hoping to freeze that moment and go back in time whenever my eye catches the photo. Some people make everything look so easy; I wonder if others think of me this way. I wish I could read everyone’s closed books and feel more at ease with myself.

writing this article now with my colorful water bottle.

It's a tough pill to swallow knowing that there are people who mock others for trying… When was the last time you tried something and failed—or even better, succeeded? We all start somewhere; there's no point in mocking others for putting in the effort to try something new. If anything, I want to give a big hug to my hardworking friends. I see you and feel for you. Hard work won’t go unrecognized, I see you trying and in return I’ll try right next to you, give you some company and support when it gets tough. If you’re a loser, I’ll be one with you.

Losers united?

yes.

with all my love and strength and loser-ness,

riya

p.s I didn't bother to grammar check (sorry)

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